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This was written by a client of Julie Lorenze. Her transgendered Partner is also one of Julie’s clients… This is the type of knowledge, understanding and acceptance Julie helps to bring to light.
A person has been born with a disconnect between their anatomy and perception of self. This results in a feeling that their body does not live in harmony with their brain. A boy dreams of wearing dresses, jewellery and make up. A girl wants to play rugby, change flat tires and leave the toilet seat up.
I love someone very deeply in this predicament. Their gender is far less important to me than their humanity.
If you are learning, belatedly, that you too love someone tormented by transgenderism, then please remember: it is not about you.
No one wishes to create pronoun dilemmas for friends and family just for a bit of fun. For many in this rarified situation these feelings come with an acute inner turmoil that can be a supreme challenge with which to cope.
Some fall into depression or succeed in drowning their desire to live as the opposite gender by being incessantly busy or numbing themselves with harmful habits. The goal is simply to Deny at all cost that which could cause loved ones upset or jeopardise a career, thus putting livelihood and achievements at risk.
To be transgendered is not a crime. Yet the person born with this condition is in fact a victim. It is often given the label “gender dysphoria” so that those subscribing to the symptoms might access helpful services.
Putting labels aside, it is what it is.
My deepest wish is that those who must one day learn that they know someone transgendered – maybe even are related to such an exotic person – that they are able to see clearly that any period of time where they did not know has nothing to do with a desire to deceive or fool them.
How can a transgendered person share such information when they do not accept or understand their own feelings?
Denial has everything to do with fear. A real sense of terror that for reasons poorly understood (biology can easily baffle with its intricacy and exceptions) some people are born to live in the wrong gender. Most every single day in ways small and large to varying degrees a sense of anxiety, loss and frustration is felt.
Then one day something snaps or breaks or awakens.
And loved ones, colleagues, acquaintances, friends and neighbours are asked if they can please please please forgive this very apologetic and anguished person for being brave enough to become the person they so desperately dream of becoming.
It takes so much courage to be vulnerable and to risk rejection from those who mean so very much to someone unable to live their entire life in Denial.
You choose your reaction.
Importantly, you have a precious chance to show that you care more about beauty on the inside than a sense of fashion on the outside.
Life is truly short.
Says the genetic woman devoted to her partner’s happiness and unconcerned with the approval of anyone who lacks an appreciation of her size 12 heels.
If you or a loved one may need help with Transgender or Transsexual issues or acceptance, talk with Julie – she is here to help.